Within the last month, I splurged on all new makeup, got my hair done, had a cleaning at the dentist and was fitted for new leg braces. Leg braces? (refer to my post entitled "MYOB" for an explanation...I'm not starting over. You gotta keep up!) The only thing that's left is to be a contestant on "The Biggest Loser" to part ways with my muffin top. I'm not gonna do that though. It's summer time and it acts as my flotation device in the pool. Safety first, people.
With all these changes, I kinda feel like I could rule the world!! Or at least compete in one of those stupid ass Miss America pageants. I'd feed those anorexic bitches my sister's cupcakes right before the stage lights came on. Literally, cupcakes my sister makes. "My sister's cupcakes" wasn't some fuckin' weird innuendo. Althoooough....no, nevermind. That's a whole post within itself. Stay tuned.
Anyway, I would totally win the pageant. No one in their right mind would deny the crown to a disabled girl with a dream. I'd probably get on the news. "30 something handicap woman struts her stuff across the Miss America stage! Hear from the women she stole the spotlight from."
Hold on. I'd have to wear a bathing suit, right? And an evening gown? Oh fuck it. Those dumb broads need something in their lives to strive toward. I'll leave well enough alone.
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