1. No one cares that you had a bad day and people were mean to you (unless they did something really mean like laughed when you fell down the stairs, then you should tell us and post pictures of the event).
2. No one cares that you've "checked in" at Coldstone and you're eating your sorrows away (unless you're taking orders for delivery, you selfish bastard).
3. No one cares that you're fighting with your boyfriend, husband, baby daddy, and/or married lover (unless....nope, nothing would make us care).
4. No one cares that you feel bad about yourself so you bought new salad tongs and you've made a fabulous healthy salad for fucking dinner (refer to #2 ... again, you selfish bastard).
5. No one cares that you've miraculously lost ten pounds overnight..."yay me!" (unless you just pushed a ten pound baby out of your vagina....we sorta care. Oh, and "yay me??" Shut up. That's totally lame).
6. No one cares that you just met the love of your life last night in Vegas Baby! and that he has a great last name (unless you're inviting us all there to celebrate and paying for our tickets).
7. No one cares that you're in Vegas Baby! (unless......nope, still don't care).
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